Losing it

Jezebel, my favorite source for lady news, if you can call it that, had two articles today that resonated with me. You’re Lazy and Hate the Gym Because God and Science Made You That Way and Why Don’t Women Say ‘I’m Pretty?’ Here Are Ten Reasons. These two articles were aptly timed for me. It reminds me about this time at a Christmas party for work this past December. A coworker took a picture of me and I said in passing, "Oh, I look pretty here." I couldn't believe how much shit she gave me for it. When she posted it on Facebook, she even wrote that it was the self proclaimed pretty picture. Why is it such a big deal that I thought I looked nice and why should I be made to feel stupid for saying so. Even though I am sure she would say she is joking, it is a fairly consistent theme for women to play down their attractiveness. I already have some self image issues, but every once in a while, I think I am not to bad. At least my husband things so. But we require so much reassurance, there is no way for anyone to keep up with it. Even a friend of mine made a comment this weekend that I looked like I lost weight. I was not on a diet and I am the heaviest I have ever been. It actually made me feel so much worse that usual. She on the other hand is sickly thin looking. I worry about her, but I should be worrying about my own weight gain. Which brings up the other article. I really have no inclination to work out. I miss salsa dancing, but it is expensive and I have a low exercise drive to do it myself at home. But alas, despite genetics or any hatred of movement, I am going to diet and exercise. Honestly it doesn't matter how I look or how others look. Health is important and I am making some poor decisions. But my husband is freaking rocking his diet and looking fine as hell. I need to step it up. I bought kettle bells a month ago and only used them around 3 times total. So I had him write me up a kettle bell workout system. I am starting tonight working out and using My Fitness Pal app to get me on track and not over eating. So I am limiting myself to 1210 calories per day and kettle bell on Monday and Thursday.  I am hoping to add in Saturdays as well, but I want to start slow and build up.

I just ordered these two dresses on Modcloth and dammit! I want to look good in them. Or at least decent. I'll always be curvy. This booty is here to stay.