Losing it

Jezebel, my favorite source for lady news, if you can call it that, had two articles today that resonated with me. You’re Lazy and Hate the Gym Because God and Science Made You That Way and Why Don’t Women Say ‘I’m Pretty?’ Here Are Ten Reasons. These two articles were aptly timed for me. It reminds me about this time at a Christmas party for work this past December. A coworker took a picture of me and I said in passing, "Oh, I look pretty here." I couldn't believe how much shit she gave me for it. When she posted it on Facebook, she even wrote that it was the self proclaimed pretty picture. Why is it such a big deal that I thought I looked nice and why should I be made to feel stupid for saying so. Even though I am sure she would say she is joking, it is a fairly consistent theme for women to play down their attractiveness. I already have some self image issues, but every once in a while, I think I am not to bad. At least my husband things so. But we require so much reassurance, there is no way for anyone to keep up with it. Even a friend of mine made a comment this weekend that I looked like I lost weight. I was not on a diet and I am the heaviest I have ever been. It actually made me feel so much worse that usual. She on the other hand is sickly thin looking. I worry about her, but I should be worrying about my own weight gain. Which brings up the other article. I really have no inclination to work out. I miss salsa dancing, but it is expensive and I have a low exercise drive to do it myself at home. But alas, despite genetics or any hatred of movement, I am going to diet and exercise. Honestly it doesn't matter how I look or how others look. Health is important and I am making some poor decisions. But my husband is freaking rocking his diet and looking fine as hell. I need to step it up. I bought kettle bells a month ago and only used them around 3 times total. So I had him write me up a kettle bell workout system. I am starting tonight working out and using My Fitness Pal app to get me on track and not over eating. So I am limiting myself to 1210 calories per day and kettle bell on Monday and Thursday.  I am hoping to add in Saturdays as well, but I want to start slow and build up.

I just ordered these two dresses on Modcloth and dammit! I want to look good in them. Or at least decent. I'll always be curvy. This booty is here to stay.

Home and Family

Thanks a lot body. I was a full week late today and starting to accept the fact that I really could be preggers. I knew it was too early to speculate and I decided I would wait til I was a full week late to take a test. So right before I was going to go out and get lunch with the hubby (yay snow days!) and pick up a test, I got it. Of freaking course. I have never been late before more than a day or two. Today I was almost convinced it could be real and started planning home projects. We both tried not to get too excited about it. We have not been trying that long in grand scheme, but every day I was late was so nerve racking. It is impossible for me not to over think things, and especially when it is something I am noticing every day. "Will it come now? I think I got it, no, that wasn't it." It freaking blows. I feel like being a lady blows sometimes. Trying not to get pregnant for so long and then mentally preparing ourselves and then trying. Trying to have a baby is not for the impatient. There is a lot of waiting and hoping. And a lot of disappointment at something that comes every month for many years before you really start caring about it.

Well, every woman who wants kids goes through this and it sucks, but I will suck it up and move forward. I am just so freaking lucky to have the best man in the world doing this with me.

In the meantime, we spent part of today laying out our goals for the year for the house. Repainting the cabinets in the kitchen, painting the counters (it can be done!), tiling or getting laminate for the kitchen floor, wall unit for the living room, painting and staining the molding in the living room, redoing the stairs, and possibly moving the laundry and making it have it's own space in the living room. Also my MIL offered to get us french doors for our living room out to the backyard, which will be an added bonus. I am not sure how we will budget this, but I think we can make it work.

G's choice for new wall unit. I love IKEA.

Update...

New winner.... 

I refuse to call this winter storm Nemo..

Benny and Olive made a valiant attempt to take on the massive amount of snow we got last night. It looks to be about 12-16 inches at our house, but reached 30 inches at other points of the island.

Since then we have shoveled them a little walk way but now that they don't see the snow as a threat, they have been in and out and chasing each other through big snow mounds. Currently, Olive is covered in snow. From the looks of it, she just walked straight into a mound of snow. She is light enough that when this melts some but freezes tonight, she will be able to walk on it, but Ben will likely not be so lucky.

We have not even attempted to try to shovel out the cars yet and the wind is whipping outside, as I type, making it seem fairly pointless even if we did try. No folks, today is a day to be trapped inside, but we have the wonderful and glorious Netflix, Hulu, and media center full of movies to keep us warm and entertained. Gordon has his gym in the shed and I have homework I should be doing.

We were at least smart enough to park our cars at the end of the driveway. We can't get a snowblower because of the stupid beach pebble driveway (I hate this driveway). Just now I took this picture of our cars to send to a friend.

For now, it is back to homework avoidance and more television. Stay tuned!

Genealogy

I have a new favorite website: https://familysearch.org

So far, I have learned about my Dad's family, which he never talked about. The only thing I knew was his father's first name was Aubert, because that was his middle name. But even with that little bit of knowledge, I found out his parents were Andrea (from Denmark!!) and Lars (from Norway!). LARS! What an awesome name. He was possibly an only child, from what I can tell. Lars was drafted for the WWII, but was 56 at the time, so he likely didn't fight. His parents were both from Norway, so I could trace back my dad's family to Norway. I wonder if they have any records there...

On my mom's side, I learned about my grandmother and grandfather. They're all from NY. (Represent!) I wish I could find information about their grandparents to see what countries they are from. I know Ireland and Germany, but I would love to know who and when. My husband's family on his mother's side is from Hungary. Beyond that we couldn't find too much.

So what did we learn today? What we already know, our kids will never tan and we need to buy stock in SPF 100.

Masters

I just applied for graduation from my master's program. I am so pumped and ready to be done. My husband will also be applying for graduation soon. We will graduate in May and Masters.. of something or other! I promise not to be one of those people who signs her name Jacqueline, MA.

And now that the grad programs are winding down, it is onto the next step. Family.

2/5 is National Nutella Day

I opened this with all intentions of writing about... something. Whatever, it's gone now.

I am super, insanely proud of my best lady friend over at the lower free bridge who completed her written comps for her PhD this weekend and will do her oral defense at the end of the month. I can't even imagine balancing PhD work and office work, and I give her huge props for doing this.

I have had a terrible habit lately of eating anything and everything bad for me. I know that the logical thing would be to do like a cheese free week or something to change things up. Right now, I want to focus on getting the leftovers from G's birthday out of my fridge, which mainly consists of pizza, pasta, and chicken, and a spinach dip, which I think I should bring in for lunch so I stop spending money, but I have no energy in the morning to do anything ever. I don't want to throw the food out because, frankly, I spent a lot of money on it and I don't want it to be a waste. But it was all worth it, because I was really focused on trying to make sure my husband had an awesome 30th birthday.

Happy Birthday, my love!

Yesterday, I wrote out all my assignments for my internship and online class and May cannot come soon enough. And I really should submit my detailed course information for my proposed social media course. I am just so nervous that it is terrible and dumb. 

Tonight the hubby and I go to the eye doctor. Hooray for new glasses and contacts!