Not-a-Mother's Day

Wow it's been a month since I last posted??

Anyway, Happy Mother's Day to all the awesome and mediocre moms out there! I have been having a lot of dreams over the past few months that I have either been pregnant or had a child. It is very strange. I thought maybe I could be ready, but I really want to get through my Master's first if possible, before I break down and give into my maternal instincts, filling our rooms with babies. Just two. I would love girls because I grew up with four sisters, but I am sure a gay boy would be just fine too. Just kidding, I don't have any control over that... yet. One of my oddly favorite things to do is bother my husband with what we should name out baby we're not even trying to have yet. Usually it falls to girls names since he turns down every single boys name I like! And every once in a while we will agree on a girls name and then I will bring up the same name a couple weeks or months later and he decides he doesn't like it anymore. The one we have in mind now is keeping strong, but only time will tell.

I have a slight obsession with having a unique name for our kids since I grew up with a very very common name and there was always 1-2 other girls with the same name in my class since kindergarten. And they will have a rocking last name that is fairly hard to turn into the name of a female pain reliever, so that's a positive.

I have to say, I have some great people who know how to rear a child in my life to help me learn how I want to raise my kids. (ha ha... rear a child... ok I am so not ready for kids yet.) My sister Meghan and Gordon's sister Kateri do a great job and combine affection and discipline in a very respectable way. One of the things I worry about is going back to work full time. It seems like somehow more women I know are going the part time or stay at home route, rather than going back to work. I don't know what will happen in the next two years, but I have the "I can do it all" mentality that I can go back to work after having a baby. Yes, it will be expensive and I will have mental problems because I will be going through separation anxiety everyday, but I am getting my masters and trying to work my way up in higher ed that I want to give my family everything I can, do something I love, and still be there for the babies.

Now I am off to the in-laws for breakfast. And my renewed fears about future motherhood can keep my head spinning as I eat pancakes.